Every office has its traditions—casual Fridays, birthday cupcakes, passive-aggressive Post-it notes—but nothing brings people together (and tears to their eyes) quite like the annual Office Chili Cook-Off. This year was no exception.
The festivities kicked off with the time-honored Parade of Crockpots, an hilarious procession in which contestants proudly carried their chili-laden slow cookers to the counter in the center of the office. Since most of the participants were middle aged dads (Kyle, Scott and Brent), it was something to see.
One ambitious participant (looking at you, Kristen) had decided to forgo chili altogether and instead brought a tray of homemade cinnamon rolls, and Nicholas had baked a pan of cornbread.
“For balance,” Kristen said with a smile. “Cinnamon rolls do go with chili.” Her strategy was unconventional but wildly appreciated, as the sweetness provided much-needed relief from the impending spice onslaught.
Yet another office chef, Neon, had fermented peppers and made his own hot sauce.
Then there was Lindsey, who had enthusiastically signed up to bring vegetarian chili, ran out of time to deliver, and arrived instead with a one pound tray of fried cheese curds from Culver’s. Someone whispered, “Genius.” Another nodded solemnly, “A visionary.” Within moments, the cheese balls were being scooped onto steaming bowls of chili, elevating every dish to new heights.
After an hour of wafting spices and whispered strategies (“If you take small bites, you can taste more chilis!”), the esteemed panel of judges took their places. Several awards were up for grabs: Dante’s Delight (spiciest chili), Most Unique (this explains itself) and Best Overall Chili (also self-explanatory).
Brent’s Spicy Apocalypse took home the Spiciest Chili award. Brent’s secret? A blend of ghost peppers, habaneros, and what he referred to only as “the forbidden spice.” By the time the judges reached his entry, two had already begun sweating profusely. Brent accepted his prize—a bottle of antacid and a fire extinguisher—with great pride, but not before flashing a playful grin at Scott.
“My ‘special’ ingredients,” Brent said, “are using my home-grown peppers and spices that I've made from the peppers. Usually a combination of jalapeños, habaneros and maybe either a ghost pepper or a 7 Pot Primo (similar to the Carolina Reaper).”
One unfortunate soul (we won’t name names) learned the hard way that you should never, under any circumstances, rub your eyes after eating Brent’s chili.
Scott’s Classic Chili Supreme won Best Chili. Scott’s approach was simple: no gimmicks, no terrifying spice levels, just really good chili. It was so well-balanced, so perfectly seasoned. High praise indeed. Brent, however, couldn’t resist. “Safe choice,” he said with a smirk. “A little mild, maybe?”
And then there was Amber, a bold chef who secured the Most Unique Chili award with Amber’s White Chicken Chili. A creamy, comforting departure from the usual red chilis, Amber’s dish featured tender shredded chicken, white beans, green chilies, and a rich, spiced broth that had everyone coming back for seconds. “It’s like a warm hug in a bowl,” one taster said. “And also, I don’t think I’ll need to breathe fire after eating it,” another added. Amber beamed with pride, her slow cooker now an office legend.
Scott, shaking his head at Brent’s antics, took another spoonful of his chili. “At least mine won’t send people to the ER,” he teased.
Brent grinned. “No risk, no reward.”
Meanwhile, Kristen’s cinnamon rolls were totally gone, solidifying her place as the real office MVP as the party started to die down.
Kyle, who had spent considerable time on a smoked chili, vowed to up his game for 2026 having not beaten Brent, Scott or Amber to win “the golden ladle,” and Lindsey, despite failing to bring chili, had somehow become a culinary folk hero—turns out, cheese balls pair well with everything.
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